beyond beneath

Can't believe that summer is over and a new school year just begun. I badly need extensions for the academic-free days but all these are inevitable. This month, we are having a clerkship orientation and after which is our daily online classes and scheduled hospital duties. In addition, we are also preparing for the medical equipment that we will be using in the different clinical rotations, new books to read on, and our new uniforms ~ talk about the expenditures . Medical school hasn't always been easy. My life was always rough and probably would be expecting a lot of it still in senior year. But because I have been through tough times, my hopes for success this year is at the peak of my utmost optimism. The learnings that I gained? I actually want to make that as a stepping stone to guide me through this school year. I apparently want to have fun this year -- to enjoy my last year as a medical student. I also want to be productive -- to fill myself with medical knowledge tha...

  So our school year just officially ended last June 3 and it has been a waiting game for us to see our final standing. Been spending most of my first few weeks of summer staycation playing games and updating my blog and finally, a letter of promotion was sent through our email…   AHHHHH!!! I'm officially a senior clerk 😭😆🙈🙌🙌🙌   This pandemic was really a unique ride for me. But I think it's also a learning experience that I needed to put in my heart to make better choices in the future. I was always on the edge this school year but at the same time continuously mindful of my thoughts and ways of coping. I was better than before but not much, so I wanted to let this year be another stepping stone that would help me become good even more in the future.   At last! I can finally say I'm academic-free now! Two months of summer break but I think half of it will be spent in our pre-clerkship orientation and training. Also, I usually spend the last month r...

I'm not sure if expressing my opinion about this is a right thing to do. These words are too upsetting for me mentally and talking about it drains and makes me vulnerable. I don't mind being transparent on my feelings actually, however, opening up about this might release all my pent up negativities inside. Those dark and evil thoughts that I never say to those who are close to me. I'm definitely scared as you can see. Scared that what I'm about to say will get invalidated. That I might be judged for being like this. But, I want to take a small step forward - out of my comforts. Even just a little and maybe things would be a tad bit better for me and for everyone.   This was my first time hearing this line and I never, in my mind, thought of anything like this.   I was sad, angry, and felt hopeless when I heard it. I'm confused. Why does this person have this kind of mindset?   To be honest, I understand how this line works. I really do. I get it. Lear...

I woke up surprisingly well the next day. I responded to the Facebook post that I was tag with an 'unbelievable cartoon' gif. However, I was calm and actually wanted to laugh instead. Our research paper was picked to present for the upcoming oral research presentation. Apparently, we were the only entry for our school, no wonder why we were picked though LOL!   I immediately consulted my groupmates about it for planning. Because there were only two of us left eligible to present, I was asked to choose either to present the study or answer the questions. Since I am not really good at both, I weighed it out in a way where I know I can still make it most probably.           So I chose to speak.     Speaking is never my cup of tea. I mean, it's not the crowd or whatsoever that frightens me, it's the fact that I might stutter or forget my lines in the middle of the presentation. I was afraid of the fact that I'm not the most foc...

    Just when New Year will finally call it a wrap, a dead long buried group chat popped out on my notification panel.   "Good morning guys! Dr. Poyogao requested our (whole batch) research groups to join the APMC Research Competition since we are the only batch that finished a whole research paper :( Hoping for your response asap :))"   I jumped out of my bed surprised and quickly replied,   "OMG like, us - us?! Or does it include the other groups?"   This is insane . I thought it was, since APMC is a regional gathering of all medical students from different schools. I find it a joke while trying to believe it was really happening the next day when we were already starting to make a summary of our paper.   Our school was apparently hosting this year's convention. Thus, the dire need to finish a 10 pages paper was a requirement. We complied before the new semester started with a little extraction of the gist and making of poster, as three weeks from no...

Have you ever felt so hypnotize that you almost forgot your real life? It's a game called Mobile Legends and I was so drawn to it for almost the whole month of July. The thing is, I wasn't drawn because I like the game or playing the heroes, I was drawn because of loneliness. This feeling just came up out of nowhere. I've been progressively doing fine and happy after a break-up of a 3 year relationship. It happened just last year and it's almost a year since then.  My loneliness was probably a post-breakup syndrome if I want to diagnose it myself or it could also be an effect of quarantine.  For almost 5 months I'm  trapped inside the four corners of our house that I can only count within my hands the days where I am allowed to go out. Basically, I have less interaction with the outside world now.  So what's this got to do with Mobile Legends? Let's just say I've came across someone while playing a game and we had a little bit of chitchat online.  So the...

When I was still younger than I am now, I always kept my exam papers on a small tin box and put them inside the cabinet thinking that I might want to see it in the future. The old arts and crafts materials that my mom bought to me 10 years ago might become handful in the future, so I kept it.  Few days ago, I came home in my hometown for summer break and started to declutter my things that I have been keeping for so long. I removed a large pile of my old clothes and rearranged the stuff toys that I got for Christmas back then.  I just discovered that I had a lot of floral and sassy watches and accessories back then and now I realized that I barely have one. I felt laughing knowing about this! I can't believe how kinda girly I was back then. Now that I grew up, I'm more of going for pastels and soft touch of feminity. Now how's that for a transition? Then I pulled out the small tin box I kept for my papers and I thought it's nice to see my good and fail m...

Last March 2017, I have written a very upsetting post that I might say it was the worst experience so far. If you have remembered I wasn't able to walk down the isle on time to receive my 'fake' diploma because of an incomplete thesis.  I had to continue working on the requirement with my groupmates during summer and finally we finished it. I have considered myself a college graduate that time regardless of missed graduation ceremony since I needed to move forward for my plan on going to medical school. That misery got me hitting rock bottom. It was hard to conceal and hush myself from feeling hurt whenever I see my batchmates post graduation pictures on social media. Even now that time has buried the past, I cannot forget the feeling of wanting to detach myself away from my friends in despair. It was a cry of self pity and confusion.  On July 2017, I got accepted in medical school and it was in my second choice of school. I didn't dealt my emotions w...

*listening to Crazy by Aerosmith* So my first year in medical school had just ended and now I'm trying to savor the two months of book-free life! Well, not exactly two months because we'll be having a class review two weeks before our actual class starts.   I don't know what I really feel right now, but I think I'm having a Lucifer  hangover. Have you watch this series yet? Let me know 'cause I want to ramble about why FOX cancelled the show😭 I'm so upset right now! Even if they have announced that they'll air the last two episodes by the end of May, but still! It would be better if they'll save the show! Just to divert my attention, I'm watching another series called How I Met Your Mother. I honestly have to say that the show is quite funny, but sadly I can't take Lucifer off my mind. At least I hope it would be sooner. With an old music playing on the background, I feel a bit sentimental while writing this just like I'm...

So I already made up my mind. Just to clarify things out, when I created my blog I thought it was fine to link my personal social media accounts in it. I really don't know if I had thought about this back then, I feel like I just did it without deliberation. Just put the link there and your blog is all set .  Little did I know the outcome of my actions. It was all running fine. One or two lovely bloggers followed me and my account was good until I noticed that my blog is growing ( not necessarily becoming popular but building connections   from amazing bloggers) as well as my social media accounts. One moment on my twitter account, I wanted to interact with my fellow bloggers and  share the updates in their blogs . But I was too doubtful to do it. I thought that  if I'll gonna do it my friends will see it as my recent activity.   What will be their reactions? They'll gonna know that I blog? Will they laugh at my blog? Will they be interested? cur...

I have been struggling about this for weeks already!  It started when I noticed that my blog is already making steps. I mean not becoming popular, but rather building connections from awesome bloggers and stuffs. I noticed that my blog and private life is clashing together!  As you can see, my blog is linked to my personal social media accounts. So if you click on the icons in the sidebar right now, it directly takes you to my personal ( I mean very personal ) account. My personal account, well, is consist of my day to day rants and updates. But the thing is...f or example, my twitter account is mainly followed by my friends and schoolmates. Most of my tweets are stated in our own, different dialect and it's content is mainly "relatable" only to my friends and schoolmates. Same thing happens when I tweet about blogging stuffs. My friends can't relate much about it.  That's not really good, right?   I feel like I'm alienating ( is this the right term...